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The general organization of the essay is unsatisfactory. This is because the essay does not adhere to the general format for thesis writing. First, the essay is lacking a clear underlined thesis statement to whether the writer is in support of the topic or not. The underlined thesis is supposed to come as the last phrase in the introduction. This thesis also has to be mentioned or reviewed at the end or conclusion of the essay which is not the case here. The beginning of the essay is dull and does not contain any grabber statement that may attract attention of the reader.
However, there is a small extend of explanation on the context of the debate in the introduction although it is not satisfactory or up to standards. In the discussion, the writer clearly shows the controversy that exists on the topic highlighting incidences where the patient/doctor confidentiality may be breached and other incidences where the confidentiality should be enhanced. The transition between points and paragraphs is not satisfactory. However, counter arguments, concession and refutation are clearly illustrated in the essay (Johnson, 2011), (Langbein, 2010).
The essay has a good content with at least three arguments in support of the thesis as well as appropriate rebuttal of the counter arguments. However, there is totally no clear conclusion and no summary of the views on either supporting or opposing the issue. The writer has established some common grounds of agreement between the two sides although this is not very satisfactory (Johnson, 2011), (Langbein, 2010).
I like the content and can agree that the essay contains relevant points supported with credible evidence and examples. There is little if any fallacious reasoning involved since the writer has tried as much as possible to use logical reasoning. However, the supported material is not logically sequenced (Johnson, 2011), (Langbein, 2010).
Style, Grammar and Mechanics
This is where there is a big problem. The diction or the formality level that has been used in this essay does not actually meet the audience expectations and is not appropriate. There are a lot of grammar mistakes including poor use of punctuation marks (commas and semi colons), typos, spelling errors, and poor sentence construction. The writing style is generally poor (Johnson, 2011), (Langbein, 2010).
Although the references are present with appropriate sources, there is totally a mismatch of in text citation and the citations on the reference list. Citation is poor and both the list on the references and the in text citations does not follow the APA or MLA styles of citation. The content of the reference list is not similar with what is contained in the essay (Johnson, 2011), (Langbein, 2010).