The book you just don’t understand: woman and men in conversation has been in the "New York Times" bestsellers list for two years a decade ago. The intention of this book is to address, according to the writer, how both men and women have been raised with different approaches to converse and if the adults can only realize what are those differences, then communication habit would be very easy and uncomplicated. But she does not consider that there are also many men and women who for some particular reason, have not been influenced in the same way.
She presents in her writing that most of the women consider conversation as a way of connecting and negotiating. On the other hand, for men conversation is to achieve or maintain social status. She has pointed several examples to prove her argument in that book. She writes no one is to charge for familiar feeling, but it is due to distance of understanding.
And to find the real problem go back to childhood, when children were used to learn language in distinctly different ways.
This book has made a great impact among the men and women regarding understanding or communicating each other. From the social, economical and cultural perspective, this is a big positive attempt to change or draw attention about the different thoughts of different sexes. She posits that misunderstanding is common in our culture because people tend to consider that the most effective way to reach a common goal is through thrashing out all the differences as loudly as possible.
Language is a factor that reflects the differences between man and women in social status. Study on language and gender reveals that the strategy used in female language always emulate the secondary and nonaggressive character of the women in western society.
-
0
Preparing Orders
-
0
Active Writers
-
0%
Positive Feedback
-
0
Support Agents
But one thing that is important to mention that all these theoretical argument does not apply to all the men and women in real life. What the writer has provided in this book has been followed by a lot of people; because they think it gives something new idea and solution for the men and women to communicate and understand each other in better way.
To implement the suggestion in real life, both men and women have to read this book to understand its true message. The conflict between men and women should be discarded at first to go that stage. Writer Tannen describes the conflict of men and women by saying “[i]o most women, conflict is a threat to connection, to be avoided at all cost. Disputes are preferably settled without direct confrontation. But to many men, conflict is the necessary means by which status is negotiated, so it is to be accepted and may even be sought, embraced, and enjoyed”. (150)
But on the basis of such explanation, the real indicators of genders are very difficult to understand. The practical impact or change happened due to this book, can not be evaluated rather it can be perceived. So, whether her theory about communication between the genders has become more or less valid, cannot be said from one perspective. The perception on this book differs from man to man due to some of its recommendations goes along with their thinking, some of others not.
The writer has rightly pointed out her argument in some perspective, but her logic does not apply to allover the area. All the logics and arguments, she has raised are mostly from the western perspective. In many countries especially in Asia and Africa, those suggestions cannot fit with the people there live.
Most importantly, the Writer Tannen did write this book from the perspective of a gender-specific one.
Some of her writings give superiority over opposite sex, especially women.
“In light of these and many other studies of girls' real conversations, it is no wonder that girls fear rejection by their peers if they appear too successful and boys don't (216). Again, probably it is part of complexity for many, but not for all. Note that such saying is only her perspective, though. Tannen extensive states that “[b]oys, from the earliest age, learn that they can get what they want "higher status" by displaying superiority. Girls learn that displaying superiority will not get them what they want: affiliation with their peers” (218)
This book can be used as a self-help book and it has many compelling investigation in the first hundred pages which addresses the differences in the genders; but despite of having many good things, it is not something special book at all.