This essay talks about Google, an American international company that was established in 1998, and has risen over the years, to dominate and succeed in the digital business world. Despite being founded on the principle of doing well to people, Google has failed to maintain this principle in the recent past, and this has led to the company being criticized over several issues including privacy and copyright violations, monopolistic behavior and censorship. The writer is appealing to Google, to clean its tainted image in order to become the respected company that it once was. Below is my critique of the writer’s draft.
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The essay is well-written with an excellent vocabulary and content; I found it immensely informative and engaging. It is worth noting the essay’s catchy introduction (par. 1) that makes the reader want to read the whole paper. The writer does a superb job in providing a clear, detailed and well-researched draft concerning Google’s background information, its successes and challenges the company is facing. It is vital to note the humble background of the company, and how its ambition has enabled it to dominate the digital industry via development of new products and services, acquisition of several companies, and extensive expansions into new markets. I believe that credibility and integrity are key values that should be upheld by any business that aspires to succeed in the long-term, and; therefore Google should know the significance of maintaining moral principles always if it cares about retaining its dominance in the market. That is why I concur with the writer’s appeal that the corporation ought to find lasting solutions, to the various problems it is facing in order to redeem its diminishing glory.
Despite the essay’s strong message, I noticed a few grammatical mistakes that I would want to highlight. For instance, the phrase, “a select few companies” (par. 1, line 2) is grammatically wrong and should appear as “a few selected companies” to make more sense. In paragraph 2, the writer states, “Google’s sprawling business empire is as expansive as the company is ambitious” (line 8). This phrase does not make sense; the writer should consider rewriting the last part of it to, “as expansive as the company’s ambition.”
In addition, I am uncertain about the validity of the writer’s argument that Google has not shown interest in modifying its practices unless they are coerced by governmental actions (par. 4). If the claim is true, then the writer should give recent examples of such cases to strengthen his argument. In the subsequent parts of the essay, the writer should consider giving examples of those issues he says are preoccupying Google at the expense of its moral standards. Besides, he should recommend practical solutions that will help the company redeem its reputation. In general, this paper is an enjoyable read, and I recommend for general knowledge.
The writer highlights the challenges that people have faced in the past with regards to communication and how Facebook has turned the situation around and made communication easy. The website has helped to establish and build personal relationships, and remain connected to friends and family. It has also enhanced communication for businesses and provided them with a forum to advertise their products and services. This essay presents a critical analysis of the writer’s paper.
Through personal experience, narration and rhetorical questions, the writer tells the reader how Facebook has benefited people in various ways. The writer does a terrific job in introducing the topic through reminding the reader of the communication challenges that people faced in the past (par. 1). This is significant because it makes one appreciate the role Facebook has played in ensuring effective communication. The fact that the writer’s former company, CPS Energy, allowed its employees to utilize Facebook during working hours to increase the company' publicity, and enhanced communication amongst themselves is an indication of just how valuable the social site is to businesses. The writer’s use of personal experience here is meant to help the reader relate with the story directly. The paper is written well and has a strong content; however, it as several mistakes that are highlighted below.
The writer should review the punctuation errors throughout the essay and correct them. For instance, a comma should be inserted after the phrase, “growing up” (par. 1, line 1), and “shortly after the site was established” (par. 2, line 4). Another mistake is the use of the wrong tense as evident in the phrase, “was being developed” (par. 2, line 2). The write should consider changing it to, “was developed”. I also have a problem with the organization of the essay. The background information on Facebook is found in paragraph 2, while its benefits are in paragraph 1 and 3. In my opinion, all background information, ought to be in the introductory paragraph, to pave the way for the discussion of the main topic in the subsequent paragraphs. In addition, the essay lacks a conclusion; the writer should consider writing a concluding paragraph. In general, I enjoyed reading the essay.
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