The institution of marriage is among the holiest institutions that were created by God. In fact, it was the first relation to be created by God, even before the one of mother and child. Hence, it is the greatest bond that two people can share. Most of the people often approach this subject with selfishness. When a couple is married, without proper guidance and mentoring they will find themselves fighting over trivial details that can be easily avoided. Often self-interest gets in the way of a marriage, when a partner does not want to compromise in the relationship. Also, appreciation is a factor that is missing in the most troubled marriages. When a spouse feels unappreciated and unnoticed, they tend to withdraw and seek these attributes elsewhere.
This book, The Five Love Languages gives a clear analysis of the way to get a marriage back on track. The greatest aspect of the book is its use of simple language and vivid analysis. Also, anyone who has been married at some point in their life can actually relate to the advice given in this book.
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In details, the author has broken down the steps that someone needs to take in order to build and sustain a healthy marriage. Some of them, such as giving words of assurance and affirmation, are applicable to everybody irrespective of their social status. People have the misconception that only the rich can succeed in building happy families. However, it does not take any financial strain to tell someone that you love them or care for them. According to the author, such verbal affirmations are good for the soul of the recipient and should be given on a regular basis.
Modern generation people may claim to be buried in work being too busy to spend time with their loved ones. It should not be the case. The book points out the need for sharing within a couple, may it be in the physician way or emotionally. The main purpose of marriage is companionship. If two individuals bonded together in the marriage union cannot find time for each other, their marriage is on the road to divorce, and hence, it is their responsibility to work on it. Also, one needs to incorporate the aspect of finance into the marriage as there is a need for such constant material displays of affection as gifts. They are the things that keep a marriage ignited.
Growing older can be a hard experience, especially without people who care for you. On my 16th birthday, I did not know if I would have a party. My family has a history of celebrating all birthdays, but I had been away at boarding school for a long time, and was convinced that everybody had forgotten about my big day. As the school was closed for the holidays, I boarded a plane and flew home. My family picked me at the airport. On the drive home, they did not seem excited. I was then convinced that there was no party for me that year. Being a teenager at crucial stage of development I felt betrayed by my family. We had been close for a long time; hence I could not comprehend how they could forget such an important day.
After arriving home, I could smell different aromas coming from the kitchen, but I assumed that was my mother, who was an enthusiastic cook. However, when I peeped out to the backyard, I saw a lot of people, all of them from my extended family. They had organized a surprise party for me, and had conspired not to let me know about it. It was truly a gesture of love and appreciation from them. They gave me many presents, some of which I use even today, like my laptop. I found that this story could relate to the appreciation and the act of giving gifts from the book. Even though I was not married to any of them, my family showed me that I was loved that day.
Human beings are predestined to yearn for companionship. That is why two people fall in love and get married. However, there is a part in the book where the author says that love is a choice. If this were true, is it also true that those people who have nobody to love are happier? Is it a choice to live in solitude for all their lives? Also, there are some contentious issues such as gifts and physical touch. One would argue that imposing the act of giving gifts is materialistic. Especially, it is the case where the couple is not very affluent. One spouse might argue that their money can be spent on more necessary things such as insurance, education, or food. It is a logical argument that cannot be disputed under any grounds. The author could clear up the issue in order to set the record straight on the priorities.
The issue of physical touch should not be overplayed. In our generation, this can be perceived as a way of encouraging immorality and promiscuity. However, since this book primarily addresses married couples, they should practice a healthy sex life. Readers of this book who are not married should refrain from engaging in any physical touching that could lead to sexual activities.
Also, I find the issue of labeling some people as unlovely unacceptable. Every human being was created in the likeness of God. Nobody has the right to determine whether another human being is lovely or unlovely. God created everybody for a specific purpose. We all are made in His likeness, and should refrain from labeling fellow humans, especially in a malicious way.
The lessons learnt from this book can be applied in many relationships in a person’s life. For my personal growth, I have learnt to let people close to me know how I feel about them. These include friends, family, and even colleagues in school. I have come to learn that it is healthier to be in good terms with everybody. Also, I have learnt about the need for forgiveness. I will never hold grudges with anybody again. I will pass appreciation to those who deserve it. I will give a kind word of recognition for others. I will be friendly to all people I meet since they might become my friends.
Also, I will spend time with family and friends as often as I can. I will nurture my relationships well in order to grow socially. When the time comes, I will get married to the person I fall in love with. I will be faithful to them and will never treat them in a way that I would not want to be treated. Also, I will put God before all my relationships as he is the giver of life and love itself. This book can help many unmarried people to build relationships in their lives. It is about appreciation and molding a bond between two people to a strong and admirable union. By doing so, the society will be a much better place to live in than if we all hated one another.