Life is unpredictable sometime soft and something strange. In addition, intelligence and intellectualness cannot grant you victory every time, because, life is a constant change. Moreover, life is like an uneven trough which never offers you a straight drive. These are the outcomes that I have learned from my struggles and experiences through out my life. In my sense life is about your reactions towards the constant changes. Hence, life is pity when you have pessimistic reactions towards the changes, at the same time, life is pretty when you have optimistic reactions towards the changes. All depends to you how you take your life its changes and react to them.
My life is so precious to me. When I take a look on my life I found it so pity but I make it pretty with my sensible reactions towards the changes which were actually so constant in my life. I feel depressed when the glimpses of my life take me in the deep deserts where I was helpless and hopeless. On the other hand, I feel satisfaction when I saw my adapted optimistic reactions to recreate my prettiness it was nothing else but blessing of God to me.
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Rhetorically, when I take a look to the life of my loved one I get upset. He ever put his life into pity and never cared himself. I always helped him due to my great love with him but he never reacted optimistically towards the changes in his life. Therefore, he never able to turn his pity life into pretty one because he did not had the blessing of optimistic reaction. I never forget him but my grief is he never give me a change to not to leave him.
My name is Kaylee an important part of my life starts when I fell in love with Joe. It was my first time to feel love for anybody but Joe already had a bitter experience and was hurt from a past relationship, therefore, we had a love hate thing going on. Thereinafter, we start loving each other and things were transforming to the better from bitterness. Joe begins to like me and most of the time he praised my black eyes and bruises which were not good but in love he liked them. I also accepted his praises and admired him very much. Our love became deeper as days passing away.
That was the golden time for us or maybe for me to live with Joe. Joe never uses to put aside me at early stages of our relationship. It seems like we made for each other God had created us for both of us. He and I spend many hours with each other and we only talk about ourselves sharing our experiences with each other and nothing else. That was the time when Joe told me about his last bitter experience with his ex relationship/girl friend. It lifted my love sensation for Joe extensively and I promised him to not to give him any trouble in next coming life. Because, I was heartedly engaged in his love and never thought about any change in life or any bad happening which can cause anything in life. Therefore, it was my first and last love no one would be more cheer-able to me than Joe.
The love scene was not dropped there it continued towards the mutual understanding which developed a crazy feeling within us for each of us. In the course of our crazy love and admiring feeling for each other I got pregnant after 3 years of dating, on the contrary, he got addicted to meth and moved in with his new girl friend named Sara during my 7th month of pregnancy. It was not less than putting me alone in a desert. Moreover, I was so surprised and feeling so pity which made me deprive and lonely. It was a near about life taking jerk for me and I never forget that instance in my life, furthermore, it was a volcanic activity in my life. However, after some period I lift my composure react in an optimistic manner and start living lively again. Although, he cheated me but I was so determined to make it work, therefore, I kept pushing him for our relationship. Because, I know he was a good person.
Joe also wanted to be with me and he moved back with me. We again were living with each other for each other. The love again started living in us again making us crazy companions. However, we lived with each other almost two years in the second phase of our relationship. Our son was at that time 2 years old, he needs care but Joe was not careful about me and about our son. That carelessness of Joe raises irritation between us and influences me to take the decision of separation. The reason behind separation was he had been struggling for about a year with an addiction to heroin that is why I broke up with him.
Again life had given me change but this time the change was for goodness. He became so dangerous to me and to our son. His addiction of heroin made him monster he was now living for himself. He again failed to react optimistically towards the change of life. But, this time it was more curious than before. It is not only difficult to live with a herion addicted human being but impossible.
I started dating someone else and Joe was furious on that. One day I went to his parent’s home with my son Baylen to see him. His anger made me anxious he was acting like animal he threw me around, elbowed me in the face, bit my arm, and slammed my wrist in the door. I must say that he was not more human being he was now a living beast only a living beast and I am sorrowful on it.
It was not reward of my affections, my love and my devotion to him and his son. But, he never cared about anyone not about me and neither about our son. Therefore, I decided to get a restraining order against him. But, then I stopped again, again it was a drop of affection a bunch of love and a dear devotion stopped me. I never think about that why it happened to me, I never take it as pity because don’t want to made my life pity. I every tried to made it pretty the only difference is before I was trying to make it pretty with Joe but now I am going to make my life pretty with someone else.
So, I went on for a year with my new boyfriend while Joe was in jail for drugs. It was not great but new feeling not a feeling of love but a feeling of life. We had spent our one year with great joy and I made my life pretty once again. It was working once again my new boyfriend also loves me a lot. He also praise me and I always accept his praise because I had only one option remains with me and that was live lively if not with Joe then with someone else.
After Baylen's third birthday, when Joe got out, I wanted to see him, but he overdosed three days after he got out. He was pity again was never became pretty through out his life and I think he will never become pretty in his whole life. His addiction of narcotics made him pity, poor and pathetic. I must say that he was killer of himself.
As I had great love for Joe so my devotion for him was ultimate. I tried my best to support him in his hard time in response he never tried even a single time to resolve his problems. It was eventually the reason of our separation which affected me very much. It was great loss for me or I can say that it was a loss of my life for me to leave Joe. But, Joe himself created that situation and the situation continuingly went worst and worst. It was me who survive in the life loosing quake and also supported him to resolve his problems, but, he never tried anything by himself. Therefore, I can say that it was my devotion my love and my affection to him which influence me to rescues me and him.
He was not able to stop his deterioration but it was continuingly gaining its pace. He was fervently going to worst addition. First it was math and then heroin and it was only death remains behind. Here I should say he was a walking dead body who don’t know anybody or maybe don’t want anybody, he was not only unfair with himself but also he unfairly treated me. Therefore, his deterioration caused my decline. At that time I must say that I will never forgive him but I also never forget him till my death.
Love cannot be explained. The sensation and feeling of love can only recognize by a loved one. Joe fell in love with me but he cannot maintain it in the change occurred in his life. On the other hand I every time helped him and tries my best to rescue him and accept him even in his worst state of mind. But, at the end his misbehave and bad treatment to me and his miserable situation influence me to take a decision. I strongly believe that my decision was correct and best.