The truism chosen for this essay is “Absence make the heart grow fonder.” General perception of this truism can be explained with the example of a person develops a stronger likability for another person or thing, if he or she spends some time apart from person or thing. For instance, if close friend leaves for a couple of months on business, her absence would make one miss her and want to meet her again. I believe that this perception is false. My interpretation of this idiom is that temporary absence of a person or thing from one’s life actually makes one fond of the change (absence). Another truism directly contradicts my chosen one is “out of sight, out of mind.”
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In my opinion, an absence of a person or thing is just what it is- In terms of absence of other individuals, one has to be shown attention for her to reciprocate it. The same is it with objects, if somebody breaks or loses a useful product, initially she would miss it but as time passes, she would learn to live without it and become accustomed to her life without that product.
I think of myself as a kind of person who makes feasible decisions, which are based on rationality and logic, contrary to making them through emotions. The thought of coincidently or intentionally spending time away from a person, in order to make the relationship stronger does not seem to be a good idea. Any rational thinking person would presume that absence would make you less fond of the absent person and fonder of the change. Lewis said the following about love and absence, "Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable" (Blaydes, 2003, pg. 59). I agree with the main idea presented by Lewis, that if you really want something, then you would not let it go and choosing absence is like giving up.
This truism is generally applied to the case of lovers and how sometimes a couples need to spend some time apart from one another to realize the importance of the other individual. In my mind, I cannot comprehend the reasoning for the common perception regarding this ‘truism’. From my own personal experiences, I have deduced that when an individual gets close to someone, there comes a time when he or she becomes accustomed to the presence of the that person. This leads to living with the other person in discontent. The time spent apart, seems as a blessing in disguise primarily because the other person is not present. Robert Davis said the following about happiness and how it should be pursued, “Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. However, it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness” (Blaydes , 2003, pg. 45). Spending time apart is a fruitful method to overcome the feelings for the other person. It has always helped me, especially at times when it gets really difficult to confront someone who is not at the same mental wavelength at oneself. Suggesting spending time apart will not only give both individuals some time to ponder over things but will also aid to eradicate the need for the other person. The dependency on the other person is no more as one grows accustomed to the new scenario-without the other person. Hence, the change comes for the better. Charles Morgan is quoted as saying the following about change and happiness, “the he art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up”. Hence, a change may or may not result in happiness and would prepare the person to grow fond of the change.
From my own experiences, habits dominate emotions. It is difficult to forgo a habit, such as smoking, drinking or talking to a person. However, once an old habit is left; new ones are developed. So this is a continuous change, everyone can adapt to changes and in time begin to love it just as much, if not more than the previous habit.
To conclude this essay, I would like to restate the highlights of the thesis presented in this paper. The truism ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is an unrealistic idiom, and any rational and logical person would not believe it. I fail to grasp the concept that spending time away from someone would actually help to improve the relationship between two individuals. Failing to receive attention from someone would not result in developing stronger feelings for her or him. Humans need attention that is the general order of things. Hence, one is more likely to be attracted to someone or something (change), which is present and tangible. In fact, the attraction is a kind of a habit, which is developed due to being accustomed to someone or something for a certain length of time. I believe that habits can be changes, and happiness can be found. Finally, I would like to present a question to the reader that if the absence makes the heart grow fonder, then what does the presence do?
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