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It has been a known cliché that whoever has been united through marriage must not be separated by anyone. This is particularly true because of the fact that no couple would agree to marry each other with a negative thinking that one day, in a few years to come, they will not make it. The truth is that marrying couples think that during their wedding they are spending the rest of their lifetime building a family with their spouses. And that whatever they have promised to each other in front of the officiating minister will stand true until death do they part. The main reason why people get married is because of love and chemistry. It cannot be denied that marriages are supposed to be lived happily ever after. It is like a fairytale story where the prince and the princes, the king and queen are so much in love with each other and that they are both doing their best to have the relationship last for as long as they can.
But then again, it is a known fact that there are instances where the chemistry has gone bad and the good feeling of love subsided. There are some couples who are not able to handle the pressure of a marriage life and when problems occur, they succumb into it rather than try with all their might to solve such problems and trials. It is in this situation where in couples decided that they a divorce proceeding must be filed in order to save the last bit of respect and maintain their friendship instead. Regardless of how many times that couple consider marrying each other so as not to end getting a divorce, the rate of such proceeding is rapidly increasing by the hour. Some couples cannot just solve their own differences and cannot accept each other`s flaws which came into visibility during marriage. Hence, divorce proceedings.
Divorce and Moral Development
Despite the objection of the Catholic Church, divorce has become one of the major issues that the society is facing today. The rates of divorce proceedings being filed by married couple has dramatically and significantly increased in the past years. The reasons for this are not yet known. However, one thing is for sure. Such increase in divorce rates is more than what meets the eye. It cannot be blamed solely on the lack of the ability of the couples to meet the expectations and face the pressure of a married life. As a matter of fact, many sociologists have revealed that the recent increase of divorce rates can be attributed on various factors such as individualism, feminism, and dual income. These theories can be proven responsible with divorce. If these factors are examined together it can be seen that they are interconnected with each other. Feminism, for one thing, has been pushed through in the past decades and such movement is still growing and thus empowering women to do whatever they want and that they have an equal status as that of men. Hence, women are taught that they can live on their own without having to depend on men for support in financial, emotional and intellectual aspects of their well-being. Since women can live on their own without having to depend on marriage for survival, many women who are not happy with their marriage have been encouraged to divorce their husbands and thus the increase in divorce rates. All of which is for the sake of the so-called liberation of women (Teyber, 39).
Individualism, on the other hand, taught the society to focus on their personal gain rather than seeing the benefits of a collective social matrix. Cultural values play an important role for the moral apprehension of each person. However, once it has been tarnished with individual values the idealism of marriage is nothing but a shattered dream.
Effects of Divorce on Children
The children are the primary victims of divorce. It will not matter how many divorce counselling the parents and the children will go through in the process, the children will definitely suffer from the situation. The transition from a happy family to a separated one will make a huge impact in the life of the children especially when growing up. Lots of studies have been conducted in order to determine the extent of the effects of divorce on children. One of the result of such empirical studies conducted revealed that children whose parents have divorced have a fear of change. Children have perceived a family to be together for the rest of their life. They have gotten used into waking up in the morning and have breakfast in the table with their parents. They have gotten used into spending time with their family. However, once their parents divorced, they develop this fear that they will no longer see their moms or dads. There will be a huge transition and change that will happen. Instead of living with both parents, they will just have to live with one of them. They are not yet ready for such huge change. Hence, as they grow old, they think that change is bad and would rather not have it. They perceive change to be a cause for losing someone they love or everything they have.
They also develop the fear of being abandoned. Divorce means separation. Parents will no longer live together and the family will no longer function as one. The children will either live with their mom or dad. In some worst cases, the children are left in the custody of a responsible relative or a foster home. The children have created their own concept of divorce and separation. They have a fear that they will lose their dad if they will live with their mom and the other way around. Hence, they fear that they will be alone in this world and that is too much for them to handle.
Because of the pain that has been experienced by the children in the course of their parents’ divorce the children tend to become unattached to the outside world. By this it means that the children are observed to have become distant and most of the time filled with bitterness and pain. This is but just normal to any person to experience especially after a traumatic situation wherein you are witnessing your parents doing all their best to have their marriage divorced. The children who have divorced parents are sometimes unable to make friends with other people especially new acquaintances. They are also more like to become jealous and over protective with their friends and relatives. This is all because of their fear of being abandoned. Since they have already experienced the painful separation of their parents, they tend to think that they will again experience such pain and heartache if they will not cling on to their present friends and relatives. In some cases, children distance themselves with friends and relatives as a form of self-defence. The lesser the attachment to the people they love the lesser the pain that they will experience once these people decide to leave them behind for something else.
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How Children Cope up with Parent`s Divorce
Children cannot cope up with their parent’s divorce on their own. They need the helping hand of older people and even their parents themselves. To let the children cope up, parents should not try to badmouth the other parent. Criticizing the other parent will make the children hate the other parent and worst; they will feel that they are being criticized as well. Moreover, the environment where the children live should be filled with love and care. These children need to feed their need for love. They tend to think that they are the reason why the parents divorced and because of this, more love must be showered to them and the need to feel important must be satisfied as well (Darnall, 95).
Parenting after Divorce
Parenting after divorce is also one of the crucial moments among the parents and the children. Parents should not prohibit the other parent from seeing the children. Selfishness on the part of the parents will only make the children more anxious, confused and feel unloved. One of the main things that have to be done first is to help the children adjust living to two homes. Since the parents are legally divorced, the children have to live to whom the custody is granted. It has to be remembered that the children find their security from a stable home not a house. Hence, it is the obligation of the parents to rebuild the home that has been shattered by divorce even if the other parent is not living on the same house anymore (Stahl, 119). Parents are expected to be more reliable and consistent especially when the other parent lives apart from the children. Be consistent with visiting the children and with the discipline too. Make sure to enjoy every minute spent with the children.
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With all the foregoing, divorce is a harsh reality for the children. For them, it is nothing but an evil cartoon character that aims to destroy their home. It is undeniably a part of the society and whether it is liked or not, there are marriages that are bound to divorce. However, in such cases, the parents must be even more responsible in dealing with their children. They have to make sure that even if they are living separate lives, they are still able to do their functions as parents. It is bad enough that they divorce. But in so doing, they should be selfless and give the children the chance to live a normal life. It is never good to prohibit visitation rights. Parenting after divorce entails working together as parents (not lovers) in the quest to make the children feel that they are important and that they are not the reason why the parents have separated.