Scholarly writing is based on the producing and analyzing the knowledge. It is often about discovering and revealing those thing people do not know. As far as effective writing concerned, the key points are reason, coherence, evidence and clarity. There some weaknesses and strength in this paragraph, that are going to be discussed below.
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The only strength of the paragraph which is found is avoiding of using the first person. Instead, the author uses the third person singular and plural. By using that, he or she tries to be an impersonal and objective spectator, without any participation in revealing the truth.
Basically, every piece of writing is written for a reason. Considering this paragraph, the opening of the essay, the question remains unsettled what was the primary purpose of it: to inform or to persuade. The section is probably written by a high school student, who is indecisive in his or her thoughts (Academic writing, 2011).
There is no coherence in this piece of writing. The author switches over one topic to another. In one sentence he or she is mentioning about the poor families who can afford the computer, and in the following sentence he or is talking about the percentage of students who are plugged in.
Moreover the passage is poor on evidence that is the core element of scholarly writing. This paragraph is characterized by lack of logical scrutiny. There is no statistic and data that can prove that the poor can buy a computer. The only statistics the author uses is the percentage of high school students who are using computer. From the point of view of the purpose of writing, it is considered to be insignificant information (Study notes).
The author uses long sentences and puffery that is inappropriate in scholarly writing. He also tries to impress readers rather than to inform. Taking into consideration the second sentence of the paragraph, one can say that the author uses inappropriate periphrasis to change the word “computer”.