This essay talks about Google, an American international company that was established in 1998, and has risen over the years, to dominate and succeed in the digital business world. Despite being founded on the principle of doing well to people, Google has failed to maintain this principle in the recent past, and this has led to the company being criticized over several issues including privacy and copyright violations, monopolistic behavior and censorship. The writer is appealing to Google, to clean its tainted image in order to become the respected company that it once was. Below is my critique of the writer’s draft.
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The essay is well-written with an excellent vocabulary and content; I found it immensely informative and engaging. It is worth noting the essay’s catchy introduction (par. 1) that makes the reader want to read the whole paper. The writer does a superb job in providing a clear, detailed and well-researched draft concerning Google’s background information, its successes and challenges the company is facing. It is vital to note the humble background of the company, and how its ambition has enabled it to dominate the digital industry via development of new products and services, acquisition of several companies, and extensive expansions into new markets. I believe that credibility and integrity are key values that should be upheld by any business that aspires to succeed in the long-term, and; therefore Google should know the significance of maintaining moral principles always if it cares about retaining its dominance in the market. That is why I concur with the writer’s appeal that the corporation ought to find lasting solutions, to the various problems it is facing in order to redeem its diminishing glory.
Despite the essay’s strong message, I noticed a few grammatical mistakes that I would want to highlight. For instance, the phrase, “a select few companies” (par. 1, line 2) is grammatically wrong and should appear as “a few selected companies” to make more sense. In paragraph 2, the writer states, “Google’s sprawling business empire is as expansive as the company is ambitious” (line 8). This phrase does not make sense; the writer should consider rewriting the last part of it to, “as expansive as the company’s ambition.”
In addition, I am uncertain about the validity of the writer’s argument that Google has not shown interest in modifying its practices unless they are coerced by governmental actions (par. 4). If the claim is true, then the writer should give recent examples of such cases to strengthen his argument. In the subsequent parts of the essay, the writer should consider giving examples of those issues he says are preoccupying Google at the expense of its moral standards. Besides, he should recommend practical solutions that will help the company redeem its reputation. In general, this paper is an enjoyable read, and I recommend for general knowledge.
Microsoft Corporation and the Society
This essay talks about Microsoft Corporation and how it benefits the society. Despite the company posting a reduction in its profits due to low demands for personal computers, this has not discouraged Gates from assisting the poor. According to the writer, Microsoft, through the Gates Foundation, offers financial assistance to American public schools and Indian healthcare facilities. In addition, the company supports innovative educational programs aimed at enhancing the quality of teaching and learning, as well as hunger eradication programs in Africa (i.e. the growth of GMO). Below is an in-depth critique of the writer’s paper.
Assisting the poor is a noble act that every human being should strive to do. Microsoft Corporation has set a remarkably outstanding example to not only other corporations, but also individual people, to help the poor in the society. This essay is written exceptionally comprehensively, and the writer’s message is clear to the point. The author does an excellent work in painting a lucid picture of how Microsoft is helping the society. I could not help noticing Gate’s generous and compassionate heart and commitment to help the poor in the society. It is a fact that numerous, rich people in the world exploit the poor to become even richer; I am deeply touched by Gate’s generosity and commitment to help the poor. According to the writer, Gate believes “every human is somehow special, and he or she has the right to live a good life” (par. 2.). Such a noble gesture should be recognized, appreciated, and emulated by others; congratulations Mr. Gates, keep up the excellent work.
Despite the writer’s excellent presentation of Microsoft’s benefits, there are some faults that he should consider revising. For instance, the writer has provided sketchy information regarding Microsoft’s background information in paragraph 1. Including the year the company was founded and the time when it registered a loss in its profits, would make the text credible and strong. Also, I do not understand why the writer indented the whole of paragraph 2. Such indentations are used in cases where a quotation has more than forty words. If this is not the case, consider indenting only the initial line of the paragraph, similar to the remaining the paragraphs. The writer should also avoid repetition of words and sentences as is the case in the essay. For instance, Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft Corporation appears in paragraph 1 and 2. Since he has introduced Bill Gates in paragraph 1, the subsequent paragraphs should contain only his surname (Gates). In conclusion, I found this essay highly informative, encouraging and captivating to read.
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