Men and women are different in nature. They have distinctive attributes and characteristics that dictate how they behave and interact with one another. They exhibit different ways to deal with emotional and psychological issues in relationships. The purpose of this essay aims at comparing and contrasting how men and women behave differently in social circles.
In modern couples, women seem to be the most authoritative in the house. This is a clear indication that men feel more comfortable when out of the house and restless when they get back home. This proves that there is a communication barrier among couples which in turn leads to high rates of silent treatment followed by separation. Most women argue that their spouses contribute to these situations because they do not talk or listen to them as often as required, but generally men do not like to listen (Tannen 245).
The basis of those differences is assumed to propagate itself from childhood. In earlier stages of life, children play and maintain social relations with members of the same sex and as a result, these attributes are carried on to adult life. Girls build more intimate relationships with one another through conversations than boys. (Tannen 245). This explains why men in marriages are poor listeners. Men divert their state of depression and constant pressure by women, through engaging in other activities such as going to the gymnasium or to the bar or engaging in gambling games with fellow colleagues which is frustrating to women. According to a research carried out in America, men are found to be more vulnerable to suicidal acts and fatal road accidents than their counterparts. This can be attributed to alcoholism and drug abuse aimed at relieving stress generated by women .
Men seem to be natural risk takers. According to (Angier 2), men like to show their skills in gambling in casinos to show that they are in control of the game. They tend to be show offs and use a lot of money in gambling, where as women show up in such spots to get off their daily routines in the house and relax. In a research carried out, men were seen to heavily engage in drug abuse such as alcohol, heroin and other substances to alienate feelings of anxiety and depression. In another study, it was observed that although women had an increased rate of suicidal attempts. Men frequently committed suicidal acts due to lonliness and depression, (Angier 2) and male deaths as a result from suicide were more rampant. Masculinity is perceived as men to be non failures in their endeavours and are always on the battle to win any war, even if it is suicide.
Men naturally do not like to be corrected by women since they consider them to be the weaker sex, and should not judge their actions. When such conversations arise, men usually tend to change topics of discussion , which gives ground for women to complain that their men do not listen. When women discuss issues among themselves, they are usually more compassionate and understanding unlike men who usually dismiss each other’s problems (246). Studies also indicates that when men and women are having a conversation, women more often exhibit attentitive responses such as “yeah” and “mhm” , indicating that they are good listeners and follow conversations, but men are usually silent. This tends to raise eyebrows among women and they usually wonder if they are given the required attention. Men, on the other hand are usually passive listeners and tend to give silent attention. These differences in conversational attention frustrates both parties and men consider women’s conversational habits as lack of patience, while women claim men to be unattentive.
In another study conducted, men claimed that they gave women silent treatment in a conversation because, women inclined too much on their point of views such that, men’s views were disregarded (Tannen 247). The reason is that, discussion between men is more of debate structured whereby they use “oppositional” formats, while women use conversations as a way of establishing a sense of understanding between them. Combining these two forms of conversations usually establishes conflict and misunderstanding between men and women.
In marriages, women usually use conversations to create a sense of intimacy between spouses(Tannen 247). As observed earlier, women develope this traits in childhood and therefore expect their men to take that role of an intimate and close conversation partner. On the contrary, men are usually solitary in marriages. They evade been put down and pushed around by women through conversations. Therefore while women expect men to be their conversational partners, constantly engaging each other in talks, men will try everything possible to evade engaging in in-depth talks with their women.
In conclusion men and women have different expectations about communication modes in marriages. Unless both parties learn the different art of communication styles between each other, men and women will always have conflicting conversations between each other, resulting to unharmoniuos relationships. This is usually the root cause of many separations and divorces among couples.