Divorce is an extensive practice in the United States. There is a growing tendency for parents to separate, forcing a large number of children to live with one parent and regularly see the other. Those women who detect marital problems at an early stage usually instigate most of these cases. According to Kathleen Corcoran, most women find relief after divorce, as compared to their male counterparts. Men usually experience challenges in adjusting emotionally and always attempt to rescue their marriage. Additionally, unlike women, who stay single, men are fond of remarrying after the divorce proceedings.
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This separation normally has an adverse effect on children. No doubt, boys and girls respond differently to these situations. Whilst boys act out their frustrations by getting involved in physical confrontations, girls internalize their distress and tend to cope well with the situation. Most children tend to neglect their studies; however, these reactions are reliant on the type of relationship parents have with their children prior to, during, and after the divorce. In most instances, children engage in relationships, based on the type of relationship their parents have (Corcoran par. 11).
However, in spite of all the above mentioned factors, divorce can be a major contributor to the development of a child. A single parent tends to concentrate on children. Married couples are likely to divide attention between all members of the family. Sometimes it happens that children have to take up parental roles. In a divorce case, though, a single parent pays assiduous attention to his/her child and takes time to make up for the loss of the other parent. Other cases allow children to enjoy double advantages like two holiday celebrations and considerable support from an adult, especially after both parents settle in with other partners.
Additionally, the divorce proceedings attract a number of emotional involvements that both sides try to avoid. The parent initiating the decision to separate is often not sure if it is the right thing to do. This arouses a feeling of anger from the receiving party. In most cases, the divorcing parents tend to seclude themselves from each other, and the activities they used to undertake together. Most of them try to expose shortcomings in their partner. This, however, does not always help, as meticulous attention to some personal shortcomings adds to the pain and resentment of another. The start of the healing process usually involves acceptance of the partner’s shortcomings (Corcoran par. 20).
Children are usually largely affected during a divorce case. A majority often undergoes denial of the process and tries to encourage the parent to reconsider their decision. This is characteristic of young children who gradually end up fantasizing about the reunion of their parents. A lot of children experience doubts and often blame themselves for the bitter divorce of their parents. For instance, many live in fear of being left and forced to choose between the two parents. This mostly results in hostile behaviors, especially when the child has already taken the decision with whom s/he wants to stay.
Unfortunately, I have faced with this stressful situation, too, as my parents are getting a divorce presently. The increasing rates of divorce appear to affect children more than parents. This is because they are usually in a battle that is not their responsibility. In my opinion, acting out on others and being rebellious will only prolong the pain involved in the healing process. Parents need to find a way of working out their differences without involving the children. Moreover, focus should be on the growth and development of a child and not in asking them to choose sides. Concentrating on the positive effects that a divorce can have on a child will help in empowering them to face the situation with a positive attitude.
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